Not all men; but all women
Call them out
Andrea Simon, the head of ‘End Violence Against Women’ explained “We must not risk viewing these murders as isolated incidents. Violence against women is so deeply normalised that women must constantly carry out personal safety work – assessing our surroundings, researching the safest route, carrying keys in our hands and sharing our location with friends.”
I have been carrying a rape alarm on me since I was 18 and moved to university. Boys would often make a point or joke out of it as if it was so crazy for me to want to protect myself... with one boy actually saying “Don’t flatter yourself” when I explained that I carried a rape alarm everywhere.
Boys that dont call out their boys are just as bad.
This type of behaviour should be called out, instead of a cheap laugh in a room full of guys. It isn't lad culture, it is a genuine fear in all women, so to make a joke of it is so ugly. The other boys in the room should have been horrified and shocked when he said that, but instead I was met with sniggers and silence.
Followed by “I was only joking, chill out”. Literally the definition of gaslighting, after you tell me to not flatter myself that I was worried about being raped?
It can be expensive ensuring your own safety
It is expensive to keep safe. Public transport still feels unsafe and worrying when you are alone at night as a woman. Taxi’s aren’t even a solid solution as a number of incidents happened during my time in Leeds with various taxi drivers taking girls to incorrect isolated locations, leaving them terrified.
You are still trusting a stranger and usually a male one, to take you safely home to your door, when they could very easily do otherwise.
These are things men don’t think about in the back of a cab. I can’t even tell you the number of times I have frantically texted friends the car’s reg plate, as a driver has gone an unfamiliar route and I have panicked that I was getting taken somewhere else. This happens so often.
It’s true, not all men are killers and rapists. But all women have experienced forms of abuse at the hands of men. Whether it is physical abuse, catcalling, upskirting, mental manipulation or sexual harassment. We have all experienced it, so that means that it is COMMON.
Stop saying it’s our fault
Men put women in danger. Women don’t put other women in danger.
Don’t use terms like ‘she shouldn't have been walking alone at that time’, ‘she shouldn't have worn that’, ‘she was asking for it’. We shouldn’t have to regulate our behaviour so men don’t attack us. Why has this been normalised?
So often I hear “It doesn’t make it better but she could have done XYZ to be safer”. Why is it our responsibility to not tempt men to attack us? We are not the problem.
Young women going about their daily life in London should not be a death sentence.
Walking 5 minutes to your local pub at 8.30pm or walking home from a friend's house at 9.30pm is an act that requires no thought for a man, but for women we risk being raped, murdered and burnt in a forest. It sounds dramatic but it HAS happened, and will probably happen again. The root cause needs to be addressed and that starts with men.
Sarah Everard’s court case
After reading the statements made by Sarah’s parents, I had uncontrollable tears pouring down my face. They speak of all the things they should have enjoyed with her. Getting married, having children, holidays, etc. All the things they have lost at the hands of a cruel man's disgusting desires.
"The closest we can get to her now is to visit her grave every day."
The article explains that PC Wayne Couzens used his police badge to trap Sarah, and soon placed cuffs on her, making her completely powerless. Sarah was walking home and approached by an official member of the police, who then kidnapped and raped her. How was she to know her fate?
I’d say that 98% of women would have got in that car if they were handcuffed and told by a Met police officer to do so. So how do we know we are safe at the hands of those in power?
I still can’t believe how the police acted at a peaceful vigil, for a woman taken by the violence of a man in a position of power. They really sent violent and aggressive male police officers to that scene to man handle grieving women.
Instead of understanding the sensitivity and pure fear the women were rightfully feeling, they acted with combat and contention. The exact thing we were afraid of and protesting against. That was one of the most insensitive and dismal displays I have ever seen from the police.
The Aftermath
I feel utterly let down by those who are there to protect us. Wayne Couzens was an armed police officer, yet he was never investigated after multiple indecent exposure reports and red flags.
He even had the nickname 'the rapist' a colleague told the court.
I feel sick for Sarah's family, who don't get to cuddle their little girl again. They never got to say goodbye and know she suffered in unimaginable ways. Knowing the last moments of her life were the most horrific and terrifying, that is a torture that will never end.
It seems too often we are being told ‘not all police’ or ‘not all men’. We never said it was, but it’s too many. If women have such a genuine fear then something needs to change.
