Self love? She's going straight in my basket
Wow so I have written two previous blogs about self love in 2018 and 2019, since re-reading them, I still feel as if I didn't truly understand it back then. As much as I thought I had learnt it all, I really hadn't because I still didn't know my worth at that point. I used to think self love was purely physical, liking my figure and facial features, when actually I think you can only love those things when you know what makes you special internally.
I thought that self love was only achieved when I was thin, I would look in the mirror and see a thigh gap and think YES! I’ve cracked it, this is self love!
I couldn't have loved myself any less at that time mentally. Pushing my body to places it wasn't meant to go was the worst thing I could have done to myself. I truly believed that self care and self love were the same thing and that a sheet mask would fix it all.
I think a big turning point for me was in the first lockdown. I gained two stone and got acne, ideal <3
But it was one of the first times I really could not look in the mirror without crying. The weight gain didn't bother me as much but the acne was a lot. I really never wanted to leave the house, I didn't want to see people I hadn't seen since before lockdown because I felt so ugly and self conscious. I knew people would see me and be saying “god what happened to her skin”, “she’s gained weight” etc. You soon reach a point where you can either hibernate and make yourself more depressed, or you can suck it up and live life.
My tactic has always been, say it so someone else can’t. I’ll shout about my vulnerabilities myself, so someone else isn't doing it behind my back.
Instead of being ashamed I decided to take charge and shout about it. I felt so lonely at this time but it was so self-inflicted. My friends couldn't have made me feel anymore comfortable in my own skin, and the truth is nobody else notices things like we do in ourselves. My friends have seriously got bigger fish to fry than my acne and weight gain. That’s when I realised I was being self absorbed and wasting my life in my bedroom. I was letting my anxiety create issues that are so minor compared to the rest of the world.
It took getting acne and not being able to fit into a single pair of trousers to make me realise I am so much more than my appearance. I unfollowed all influencers that werent honest and made positive changes to my lifestyle. I started wearing no makeup and letting my acne breathe. I started wearing crop tops again and not worrying that my tummy was hanging out. It was actually liberating lol x
I couldn't appreciate my skin anymore than I do now since having acne. Everyday I wake up so grateful that I can stroke my face and not burst into tears from how painful it used to be.
For me there are so many different ways I have found self love:
Allowing myself to be unapologetically myself and not changing for anyone
Not worrying what others think of me
Knowing my worth and sticking to my values
Understanding my own lane and the power of that
Caring so deeply for my mental health, that I don’t want anything to come in the way of damaging it again
Chasing happiness in people and experiences, instead of my reflection
Journalling and unpacking my thoughts rationally (recommend this journal highly - https://uk.bando.com/products/tune-in-workbook)
Hitting rock bottom and building myself back up again from the start (you then do everything in your power to protect your energy and mental health)
Own your lane
Aside from physical self love, which is so unique to each person (and a bloody long journey)... I think knowing your power and what you deserve is seriously priceless. I used to think that if something went wrong in my personal life, it was my fault. I was too fat, I wasn’t pretty enough, I wasn’t clever enough, there are always going to be options way better than me. I used to tell that to myself regularly and blame myself for a relationship ending or not being chosen.
Once you realise everyone is in their own lane and you stop comparing yourself to others, life becomes so colourful. Comparing yourself is the ultimate betrayal to your inner self. We are all so utterly different, it is the most pointless activity.
I’m annoyed that I spent all of school AND uni comparing myself to the girls around me. We are all magic in our own ways and I soon realised that not being 8 stone, 5ft5, sporty or blonde didnt make me any less of a hun! When you start celebrating your individuality instead of trying to fit in, everything is so fun!!!!
A year in lockdown actually did a lot for me. So much time to self reflect can either be detrimental to your mental health or completely overhaul the way you see and speak to yourself. I chose to move differently, because I wanted differently.
Your mental wellbeing should always be the priority. Once you have a solid knowledge of what makes you happy, you can focus on those things and drown out all the negativity.
It is so liberating leaving a situation that was mentally draining you. You may feel sad, but it doesn't mean it wasn't the right decision for you. That is real self love. Cutting out things that are taking up your energy and not giving back. You are protecting yourself, I think self protection and awareness is potentially the best thing you can do for yourself.
Unpopular opinion but, telling people with shit opinions that their opinions are shit, is a form of self care. I don’t listen to people who say “don't react, don't give them what they want”. What they want is for you to say nothing and absorb their negativity, I will actively do anything but that. Similarly to me telling you to CATCALL BOYZ when they catcall you, letting haters get away with spreading their bad vibes is a sin.
Do yourself a flavour and evaluate your relationships. Are there certain people that are constantly filling your brain with their negative opinions? People that pick you up and drop you when they are in and out of relationships? People that are jealous or don't want the best for you?
Self love is cutting those people out and looking after no 1. I have realised that some relationships I had with friends were toxic or one sided. As an anxious person, I really need people around me that ooze positivity and kindness, so I too can see the world in the most optimistic way.
I have realised since writing this, there is like 8 different blogs within this and I will end up writing for 10 pages so going to park this here and segregate some of these topics for next time. Xx
Instagram accounts that help me:
@wetheurban
@peopleiveloved
@theopeninvite
