The Importance of Being a Square Peg
For as long as I can remember, I've carried this persistent feeling of being "too much." Too emotional, too sensitive, too opinionated, too weird, too honest—these are the labels I've often worn. It's a weight that many women with ADHD can probably relate to, and after receiving my diagnosis this year, I've finally started to feel less guilty about comments I have carried with me for so long.
One of my earliest memories of feeling "too much" dates back to primary school. My mum attended a parents' evening, and my Year 1 teacher shared a class photo with her. In the background, there I was, making cross-eyed faces (which is pretty standard for a 5 year old). My teacher, with a dead-serious expression, turned to my mum and asked, “Mrs. Symes… what have you produced?”
Imagine being a mother and hearing that about your five-year-old daughter—kind of iconic and set the tone for the rest of life tbf.
Throughout school, I was often just slightly "too" something to fit in. It’s exhausting, feeling every word and emotion that people direct towards you, especially when those words are meant to cut deep. Instead of celebrating the things that make us different, it seems society still struggles with embracing uniqueness, even from a young age.
Being naturally open and sensitive also means you are vulnerable to relational injuries from a young age. When your natural tendency is to be open and loving, it is easy to feel these early rejections and let them fester and grow within you.
Another corker was during one of my first proper jobs. At my three-month review meeting, my boss at the time described me as "a square peg in a round hole" within the office. Once again, I was left feeling like a freak—a label that offered no constructive feedback, only a sense of being out of place.
The truth is, we live in a world that still struggles to accept people for who they truly are. But I've learned that it's not our job to conform to what others think we should be. Instead, we should embrace our "too muchness"—our quirks, our passions, our uniqueness.
Getting diagnosed with ADHD has helped me understand that being "too much" is not a flaw. I think sometimes people live in such a binary state, that anyone who lives beyond these boundaries is seen as the problem.
Being told at age 20 that I needed to “tone down my personality if I ever wanted to find a boyfriend” was one of the first times that a negative seed someone else planted within me did not flower into self-doubt. Instead, I remember thinking that if caring about equality, politics, the planet etc meant someone wouldn’t love me - then I didn’t mind not being loved.
I love this poem about how it feels being hyper-sensitive....
—Pearl Buck
