BOYS DO CRY.

 BOYS DO CRY.

" I tried to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes...because boys don't cry"

When I first listened to ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ by The Cure (my fave band), I started to consider and understand how society has built up a wall around male emotions and their lack of freedom to express them. The song explains how sorry this man is for ruining his relationship and how he would literally beg at her feet for her back…but he’s not ‘allowed’ because boys don’t cry. They must be viewed as strong, macho and almost cold? If I'm honest I am annoyed at society and the way they have segregated genders in terms of emotions. Generations of men have passed down their strict manly mannerisms and so boys tend to turn emotion into anger.

 For some men, they probably don’t feel the need to cry that often and are totally happy with life. Others however, can bottle it up because they believe their problems are insignificant, not worth talking about and they don’t want to come across as weak.

For me, seeing boys cry is ten times harder to watch then when girls do... as it is quite rare. Not that girls are any less important, but I feel I know how to comfort and cuddle a gal. However, boys don’t have that same maternal instinct us gals do when it comes to comforting their mates or letting it out themselves. This fear of emasculation can hold men back.

I feel like we are in an environment where everyone and everything is slightly fragile. We all have problems, no matter how big or small, so it’s important to confide in your friends and learn how to listen. In a lot of male friend groups, if someone’s upset they get called wet and boys just tend to say the usual “nah don’t worry mate it’ll be fine” as they find it awkward to talk about. Boys need to learn how to listen to problems that they are unfamiliar with and try to sympathise. This doesn’t apply to all boys obviously, lots are very sensitive and understanding but a lot of heavily male friend groups tend to ignore sensitive topics.  By telling boys to 'man up' you are literally asking them to ignore and oppress their true feelings.

75% of suicides in the UK are male.

WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS MORE AND SUPPORTING THESE MEN?

I am so determined to break this stigma of men bottling up how they feel because nobody wants to admit defeat and get help. The suicide statistics for men alone are terrifying enough and proves the urgency of addressing this issue.

A few weeks ago, my best friend at uni sadly lost one of his close mates to suicide… at the age of 18. Nobody even knew he was struggling and this is what breaks my heart. If there was a stronger support system for men or better education for the public; then loved ones would notice warning signs sooner and these suicides could be reduced. Too many men are suffering in silence.

I’m not disregarding girls in this as I know how many girls struggle too, but I wanted to write something that isn’t being spoken about enough. I could write hundreds of posts that only gals would relate to, but I really want to inspire and educate boys too.

For girls it’s in our nature to mother each other and talk things through, but I know so many boys who would feel uncomfortable properly opening up to their group of mates.  Some of my closest boy mates have confided in me when they were anxious or upset about something but hadn’t even told their closest friends. This is bitter sweet for me as I love that these boys feel like can confide in me, but also sad that they feel as if they can’t do the same with their best mates.

I guess what I am trying to stress is the importance of support within friendships. Answer their calls, comfort them when they are down and check up on them regularly, just a text to let em know you’re thinking of them could make the world of difference. If you know and have talked about what they are going through, then do some research on how to support them. Don’t ignore it because it feels uncomfortable. Ask questions and show that you care.

It is important to remember that while you can support your friends when they need you, you can't solve their problems for them. Sometimes you'll realise that your friends need more help or support than you can provide and knowing when to ask for extra help is important. It is quite common that another person’s problems can build up and inflict on you. I know personally that when someone is upset or going through something hard I tend to put it on myself and work myself up about it too, which isn’t healthy either.

Supporting your friends when they need you is an important skill that will serve you throughout your life. Be honest, be patient and you'll soon realise that supporting a friend in need could honestly save a life.

I'm sorry for such an intense post but due to recent events and the effects suicide has had on my loved ones, I felt it was important to speak up for men too, as I feel like women tend to find it easier seeking help and opening up.