4 WAYS TO HELP A FRIEND AFTER SELF HARM/ SUICIDE // BY KAT BECK

TW mention of suicide attempts and other mental illnesses. I can only talk from my own previous experience and give advice on what I know. If you are considering suicide or feeling low, please contact the Samaritans on …. or phone NHS 111. If you know someone has taken an overdose call 999 immediately.

Returning home after trying to take your life is difficult. When I tried to take my own life I wasn’t thinking straight, I had no idea what was going on. I saw the mental health team whilst I was in hospital and they put a plan in place, and said I was free to go once the drip finished. I returned home, to my student house where I was living with 5 other girls. None of my friends knew what to do. They were terrified I’d do it again. I was scared I’d upset them. No one knew what to say or how to help, so I thought I’d write a blog post of things that would’ve helped me, and hopefully will help others. If you don’t know what to do or say after your friend tried to kill themselves, its ok. I get it, it’s difficult for everyone, but these are little things you can do to show you care. I’m not saying this is the same for everyone, everyone is different, but the key point is LISTEN TO YOUR FRIEND.

That’s step one. If they’ve been in hospital and have been discharged, they are ok to return home. They would’ve been fully assessed by a professional who has made the decision to let them go home. Do not try to force them into going anyway, especially going back into hospital unless they are actively a danger to themselves. I had a particularly heated argument with my friends, they all wanted me to go back into hospital or to go home to my family, 2 hours away from where I’m studying at university. None of them would listen to what I wanted to do, they were all saying they wanted what was best for me, but none of them listened to the only person who really knew what was best for me. What I needed was to try and move forward, and to try and keep going with life as normal, not to keep looking back at my failed suicide attempt. If they are allowed home, they have capacity to make their own decisions and you should respect those, if you are worried about them call 111.

Step two. Treat the like they have the flu. It sounds stupid but I felt so sad I could barely move. If you want to help them offer to do things for them. Don’t ask “is there anything I can do?” because people will feel guilty about asking for help, instead say “Can I cook you a meal?” or “can I help with your washing?”. It’s easier to accept help if its directly offered, and you can encourage them to do it with you if they can. Otherwise generally it’ll all pile up around them and eventually make things worse. My friends tidied my room for me and honestly it made so much of a difference. Returning home to the same room where it had all happened still a mess was just too much for me to tackle, and I’m so grateful for them for making it habitable again.

Step three. If they want to see you, go see them. Some people may not want to be seen by their friends afterwards, but personally I just wanted to forget about being sad and just do things with people. But some people felt they didn’t want to see me because they didn’t know what to say or weren’t trained if I wanted to offload onto them, they wouldn’t know what to suggest if I needed help. If they’ve been seen by the psych team in hospital, chances are they are going to be seeing a trained professional which means you don’t need to be. Listen to them vent. Watch films with them. Go shopping. Just be a friend. I can’t stress that enough. So many of my friends said they didn’t know what to say to me, but not every conversation needs to be about what happened. Leave all that to the professionals and just offer to do fun stuff with them instead. I felt so alone because I felt like none of my friends wanted to see me, everyone was saying how ill I was and how serious it was, and they couldn’t help me because they weren’t trained. Yes -it is serious, I’m not saying it’s not, but they probably already realise that. If you don’t know what to say, don’t just act like they don’t exist because it’ll make everything worse inside their head. Trust me. Please be patient with them. They will have so much going on in their head but having a friend there can make so much of a difference, even if they don’t show it at the time.

Also –LOOK AFTER YOURSELF. Don’t let your mental health suffer because you’re helping someone else. It can be hard for you to, if you need therapy, go get it. Look after yourself too, you are just as important.

Step four. Don’t make them feel guilty. I get you’ve had a tough time too. Hearing your friend tried to kill themselves is not an easy thing. But making them feel bad that you’re worried isn’t going to make them any better. At the end of the day, they are ill, and they can’t help what happened. It’s not their fault.

Lastly, I just want to add, to anyone, suicide is never ever the best option. Even if it feels like all is lost, and you’re at your lowest point there will be hope somewhere, in something. You need to find that one thing and run with it. There are so many things that can make you happy, don’t focus on the things that make you sad. You are brilliant and unique and can shine so brightly. Remember depression and any mental illness just is to do with you’re the makeup of your brain chemistry, it does not make you any less of a person. Bill Clinton said, “Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, however stigma and bias shame us all”. You’ve got this.


-Katrina Beck