CONSENT

CONSENT

“Consent- permission, approval, or agreement”

Contemporary western culture has recently been labelled ‘the age of raunch’. The clear mellowing of the traditions towards sex, marriage and the family have meant millennials are rewriting the outstanding rules. Not only are young people engaging in sexual intercourse at an earlier age than older generations, but the nature of sexual relationships is also changing with marriage occurring later in life. The classic branding and slut shaming of women in modern society is decreasing as we move into a post-feminist age. However, this flexibility and relaxed approach towards sex within modern society has also created higher rates of rape and sexual assault.

92% of sexual assault victims are female and 99% of offenders are male.

As a woman I find it hard to then speak about how liberated modern day women are, when this is happening worldwide every day. Current statistics said 66% of teenagers and young adults have experienced unwanted sexual intercourse in some way, what a terrifying figure….

The design of our current legal system means women are often silenced. Successfully charging rapists and offenders can be near impossible due to the difficulties of showing legitimate evidence, especially if the victim takes time to tell someone about the incident. This skew against women within our legal system is one of the main reasons victims don’t even bother speaking up about this abuse. However if women felt respected and valued enough to speak up about these incidences, far more guilty men would be convicted.

Consent is a current issue which has been more widely advertised since the #MeToo campaign escalated… FINALLY! It has taken years for sexual abuse to even make the headlines and often cases without sufficient evidence would just get forgotten about. Thankfully, more and more women have started to feel empowered enough to share their stories, even if the offender got away with it. The rise of social media has given all women a powerful platform to reach other women, whether they are famous or not; giving women the confidence to speak up, as they know they will be heard. However, I personally think the issue of consent lies within a lack of education.

In school, consent was never mentioned. We got taught about condoms, pregnancy and periods, but gritty issues like rape and its prevention were avoided. I personally believe that if young people were programed from a young age with the importance of consent and effects of sexual abuse, it could be minimised hugely. It is an issue that no parent thinks they need to mention to their child, but if school aren’t telling them either, then kids are growing up unaware of boundaries and sexual norms. It is only until the last few years that I personally educated myself on what is right and wrong as nobody else had. This for me was understanding how to get out of certain situations that would make me uncomfortable or scared. However, I think this essential sexual self-education is fundamental for boys. I am not saying all boys don’t understand when a girl doesn’t want to engage in sexual activity with them, as the majority of boys do, but a fair amount are still unaware of signals and signs a girl gives off when she wants to stop. This isn’t ‘playing hard to get’ or being ‘frigid’, these are clear signs that a girl is uncomfortable.

 Instead of continuing to touch the girl who is being unresponsive and quiet, understand she may have zoned out due to shock. Instead of forcing her into sex because you think deep down she wants it, ask. Instead of taking advantage of a drunk girl who is skimpily dressed, find her friends instead of taking her home and later claiming she was ‘asking for it’. Sex is meant to special, why would you even want to have it with someone who doesn’t mutually consent?

The amount of stories I have heard from people I know, where boys have taken advantage of someone under the influence is actually shocking (especially at university). My message to boys would be - if in doubt about whether to have sex with someone who is drunk, put them to bed and speak to them about it in the morning. Why even cross these blurred lines and potentially misread these drunken signals as the sober regrets within a girls mind the next day can be so serious. It is not worth the consequences if a girl realises when sober that actually she didn’t want to have sex and was raped. This example leads me to another issue which is really tricky within law…

When women wrongly accuse someone of sexual assault, the after math is life changing. Careers and relationships can be totally ruined by someone making false allegations but some women don’t understand the serious consequences that stem from such a serious claim. In a way of getting revenge on someone, more and more women have used the rape card which is weakening the cases of the real rape for victims with the ‘boy who cried wolf’ metaphor being applied. Sexual abuse is not taken lightly in modern society and the increasing publicity around the issue is why it is so important to tell the truth as the impacts for the alleged ‘offender’ are huge, even if they are not legally charged.

As an 18 year old girl I shouldn’t have had to educate myself on how to get out of uncomfortable situations and avoid sexual assault, as a society we should be teaching and mentally programming into young people’s heads why you should never sexually assault or take advantage of someone weaker. The effects of rape on a young woman are so damaging, this can lead to the complete avoidance of men and sexual contact for the rest of her life, depression and constant anxiety. When in a uncertain sexual situation, stop and think about the affects you could potentially cause to another persons life.
It shouldn’t be my job as a young woman to learn how to avoid this, boys should be being taught the meaning of consent. It is sad that I often am silenced and made to feel like some situations are normal when they are not. Educate yourself on the meaning of consent and the repercussions of unwanted sexual contact, as a society lets reduce the number of victims and educate the potential offenders.