LADYLIKE
LADYLIKE
“Ladylike - Appropriate for or typical of a well-bred, decorous woman or girl.”
As a teenage girl I was constantly being
told to be more 'ladylike' which I believe is a term to police gender
expression. I’m not a tomboy but I am not terribly feminine in a lot of ways
and because of this I sit in an unusual headspace of being unbothered by men
finding my mannerisms desirable or attractive. I was always told that it wasn't
ladylike to slouch, swear or sit with my legs open like men do. As a gal who
prioritises comfort I always found it annoying that boys could sit like a slob
but I couldn’t because then they may not find me attractive. What makes it even
more dispiriting is that it’s often women we look up to telling us these
suppressive rules, I know they aren’t major life changing problems but it is
these little niggling alterations adults insist on, that shape us now.
It is sad that to some people, the way I hold
myself determines if I am a well-bred, decorous woman. Does this mean that great achievements and positive personality traits don’t
count if you sit with your legs open or eat messily? In a perfect world I would
be more majestic but if men don’t have to be why should I? When men are seen
sitting with their legs crossed in a respectable, more feminine way they
are often called out as odd; but when
girls sit in a more masculine, slumped way, they are seen as unattractive and badly
mannered.
I think my main issue with the term
ladylike is the way it suppresses women and segregates us from men. If everyone
had to sit properly I would be so much more understanding as it is courteous
and favorable, but as an equalist I’ve always believed if men can, so can I.
Swearing is another way in which women
regularly get oppressed, without even noticing. When I swear in a moment of
anger or necessary self-expression I am seen as foul mouthed and unladylike,
but when boys swear it’s ignored and seen as normal. I personally think
swearing is an essential way to express your anger , and I will be continuing
to do so whether I seem indelicate or not.
Today, 'ladylike' seems less like an
essential list of do's and don'ts and more like an feminine stereotypical ideal
that some women choose to possess. Personally I couldn’t care less about how I
‘should’ act as a woman and I base my behaviour on personal
admirable qualities such as manners, kindness and generosity. By all means act in
a ladylike manner, I hugely admire all those that do. But I also promote acting
in a way that you find comfortable and not in a way that society, parents or
others promote. Act the way YOU want to and not for the way boys perceive
you. Fuck missing out on comfort because it doesn’t look as nice or elegant.
I personally believe acting in a manner
that authentically represents who you are is so important in building your
character profile as a woman. You can still be feminine AND tough. Gender
stereotypes seem to give women the option of being cute, attractive and
feminine OR opinionated, strong and manly. Why not mix and match? Be beautiful,
strong and unladylike, it is possible.
I’m not suggesting that as a society we
go rogue and ditch all traditional values for girls, I am merely suggesting we
must have the same set of rules for boys and girls. Using
the term unladylike to describe the way someone does something I believe personally
reinforces society’s assertion of what is considered desirable and acceptable
social etiquette. Outdated and boring.
Moral of the story is to be unladylike,
break down the social norm and make being unladylike the new ladylike. If all
us gals act out of comfort instead of being suppressed by how society wants us
to act, then being ladylike will mean doing what the fuck you want and will
promote equal rights for everyone.
